My married life 1996 -2006

In the mid to late 1990's I did thought I met my true love. Her name is Janna Kay. We were best of friends before we ever got together. We finally started dating and got married in 1996. In 2001 we had our baby boy. It was the greatest gift I ever received becoming a new Daddy. Things seem to be going good and at the time, I thought this was going to be the person I was going to grow old with any die with. So much for that happy ending. She was 18 and I was 23 when we got married. Even though things didn't work out, I don't regret marrying her. She brought colors into my life that I've never seen before and I can honestly say, she was the only person I have completely love.
I guess with all young married couples, it always starts out like paradise. First few years was great, but (it seem) without warning, things just started falling apart. We both made mistakes in the marriage. Instead of leaning on each other in trouble times she leaned on someone else and had an affair (with her sister's boyfriend's brother) and for me, I just completely shut down and built a wall around me and refused to allow anyone to get in. Of course (I can say this now) If only I know then what I know now, things would and could have been better. But it seems once things started falling a part, we waited to long to try and fix what has been broken and things were just unfix able.
Of course not trying to make this sound one sided, But I really did try and make things work. It was really hard because I was the only one that was still trying to make things work. She just completely gave up and stop trying altogether. And if you know how a marriage works, if one person is trying and the other isn't, then it's just like trying to swim up the river with one arm and one leg. your never going to get nowhere.
With everything going on (our life, the affair, our problems, Family etc) I still never gave up hope that if we just stuck together and kept fighting, we would make it). But I guess it wasn't in the card for the marriage to work.
She finally left me in February 2006. When she did leave me, She told me she didn't love me anymore she didn't even want our son. She told me that she needed to go and find herself and that she wanted me to keep our son so she could be on her own for a little while. Of course I keep our son, because I loved him so much and there was no way I was going to give up on him for the way things had turned out between me and her. But needless to say ....

With of all the problems we had and me still having hope after she left we can still find a way to keep fighting, It completely broke my heart when I had to find out through a friend she was already in a relationship with another person 2 weeks after we separated. To make things ever more hard, She wrote me a letter 9 months being separated that she was pregnant by the person she was dating. All this time (by law) we were still married. But that was it for me. I still didn't want to accept it, But I knew in my heart, Weather I liked it or not, the marriage was over.
So I just completely give up as well and focus all my time and energy on my son.
I left our house in Cedar Creek and move to a small apartment in Austin.
Mean while, she didn't talk to us every often (I'm guessing she was busy with her other family)
We finally got divorced June 21st 2010. But even though she completely moved on with her life she still fought in divorce court saying I owed her half of everything. (that's why the divorce took so long to become final). The sad thing is she wasn't fighting for our son. She was fighting for the money and the house and land and etc. She wanted half of all that. Thank goodness she didn't get what she was asking for. Unlike her, I didn't really care about the house or the land or the money. My number one priority was my son. That was who I was fighting for. For the money and the house and etc, I didn't care much for it, I just didn't want to see her get it. Might sound mean, But that's how I felt about it.
I am happy that the Judge saw things in my favor. I got custody of my son and she just has visitation rights. She is kind'da pissed because the court ordered her to pay me child support and 50% of all his medical cost. She didn't leave empty handed though, the Judge awarded her $20,000. All I can say now is I just hope she enjoys it, because that's all she will ever get from me.
My final thoughts about it all is I really wish it didn't have to get as dirty as it did. In no way did I ever wanted things to turn out like this. I wish things ended on a better note, But I am just glad it's over and we both can just get on with our lives.

A Start to my Blog

Hello to one and all. For starter, I just like to say thanks for coming and reading my blog. I am sure that there is much better things to read on the internet. So I just like to say thanks again for taking the time to read my thoughts. I write a lot (in journals) But this whole Blog thing is kind'da new to me so I hope you bare with me while I keep working on my blogs. I have lots and lots to tell.
Writing for me helps me release a lot of my stress and I've actually been writing since I was a young boy. It's always been easier for me to tell my feeling to paper then just talking to someone. I'll try out this blog writing and just see how it goes.
My name is Jacob, But pretty much everyone knows me as Jay. I am sure from the pictures you see on my profile, I have scars on my face and body. I was burned in an oil fire at the age of 4 in west Texas in 1978. Long story short, I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. My dad worked in the oil field in West Texas and at the time, I was a daddy's boy and always wanted to be with him. He owned his own truck and many times I'd go with him and sleep in his sleeper on the truck while he worked just so I was able to spend more time with him. It wasn't my dad's fault that I got burned, But he always blamed himself for many year for what had happen. I believe now, it was not his fault it was just a freak accident.
But as you might think I did have a pretty rough life growing up. I was burned 78% of my body. It's hard to live in the world when you look completely different then other people. People might not mean to, but you always get treated differently. Sometimes it was good but most of the time it was bad. Going to school was a really hard time for me. Kids can be very mean sometimes so in school, I always had a lot of stress. It's probably why I never ready did that good in school. Of course, I totally regret it now. I wish I could go back and redo it all again with what I know now.
From age 4 through 21 I was always at the burn hospital in Galveston Texas. I spent a lot of time there for the first 12 years of being burned. I had surgeries after surgeries after surgeries. Because me being at the hospital a lot, I did missed out a lot with my schooling. Of course I did get a lot of my schooling from inside the hospital, but it wasn't the same as being in a class room full of other students.
Sometime I do wish I looked normal (no scars) and things might be different (in a better way) BUT ... Regardless what had happen in my life, weather good or bad, I strongly believe EVERYTHING happens for a reason. Who am I to question the higher power. Instead of always asking why this had to happen to me, I figure it's better to just accept it and move on. So that what I've done. Of course me believing this didn't happen over night. It took me a long time to accept it. As of today, when I look in the mirror, I see me for me. I can see past my scars and see the person I want to be.
In a lot of ways, I wish others could see me how I see me.
It's really hard meeting people for the first time because first impressions are everything. And when people see me for the first time, (I don't believe people mean to) But they see the scars and don't REALLY SEE me until they spend a little time with me and then they realize beyond the scars I am just like everyone else. That why I'll never be a part of a "Love at first sight" kind'da thing, and it's OK. I've been told it's way over rated any how.
My dream it just to meet my soul mate that can see past everything, and just love me for who I am. Someone I can grow old with and live a happy life together til the very last breath I take. Is that to much to ask for?
Well I'm now going to turn 37 in a few month and I'm still out here searching for my one true love. Hopefully I'll still have time to find her. I will never give up hope.